Forced to say goodbye…

December 23, 2012

Random Thoughts

cookies  What do you see in this picture? Yeah that one to the left right there…  Looks like your basic chocolate chip cookie doesn’t it?  I’m sure you can see the chips peeking out of the cookie dough.  Look at the perfectly browned edges…yes they are ever so slightly crisp as you sink your teeth into the offered delight.  When you bite into this wonder of nature you end up running into a pop of saltiness that enhances the smoothness of chocolate backing up the “butteriness” floating across your tongue. Its the perfect compliment of crispy and softness. Its the kind of cookie you would almost give your eye teeth for…

Now I will tell you what I see…I don’t see a chocolate chip cookie of total awesomeness.  I see compassion.  I see prayer.  I see hands putting into action the love of a friend.  I see support and encouragement.  To me this cookie…this bit of sugar, butter and flour reminds me that I only have to open a Ziploc and inhale the reminder that this special person is there to listen if need be, to talk about mundane things, to offer a hug (and I am NOT a hugger!), or to just work quietly while I wonder around while I wonder what on God’s green Earth I am going to do. I will NEVER be able to repay K.F.C for her kindness and quiet understanding of what I needed that Wednesday morning almost three weeks ago….


This is how I will always remember Scary…

You see it has been a horrible few weeks for WikiJan, I lost one of my three my best friends December 4th.  Scary and I have known each other for 5 years.  He was one of those people who I just hit it off with immediately when I got hired at the Big Green Machine, we hassled each other, we challenged each other and we were ALWAYS there for each other.  We were the type of best friends that would text literally 100 times a day then spend a couple hours chatting on FB all the while The Husband would just shake his head and laugh at our carrying on…  He had a love for my cooking that was only rivaled by The Husband.  He also loved to tweak me by posting his “recipes” on my FB wall which usually consisted of directions on how to make a frozen pizza or how to microwaved a burrito. He was always calling me to ask how to cook this or what herbs got with that or needing a bit of guiding in how to break down a sub primal of new York Strip steaks. It never failed to crack him up when he invited The Fam and I over to BBQ because I ALWAYS kicked him off his grill, his feeble protests made only because he had to keep up appearances but knew I would do a much better job.

scary ar10

Just as proud as could be to have “Big Brother”!


Scary and I shared a love of weapons be they pistols, shotguns or rifles and spent hours upon hours at the range.  Me hassling  him about how I, as a girl, could out shoot him and him teasing me that I could only do so because of  the mile long barrel on my pistol.  Scary was an amazing man, smart, funny, compassionate. He had a love for being outside. He was always looking out of  “Toons” our youngest member at the Big Green machine as well as always ready to stand up and fight when he perceived a wrong concerning The Daughter.  We were super competitive with each other as well be it on the pistol range, skeet range or at work on the bar.  He was the one to encourage me to look into obtaining a Conceal and Carry license.  He loved to talk politics with me, picking up various topics turning it in every direction picking it apart then we pronounced judgement and solved the worlds problems over an Undertow and biscuits and gravy or fried potatoes and my breakfast sausage.

Oh how he hated having this taken!

Oh how he hated having this taken!


Scary did my training when I came to the Big Green Machine and when I persuaded him to return I did his training.  Boy did I enjoy that boot camp training…A LOT, lol.  We worked like a well oiled machine…we were hand in glove when put together, now granted if you did not know us and you happened to stroll in to our store any given Sunday morning you would have thought we hated each others guts but not so.  We LOVED to spar verbally with each other and when the rush hit there is no one I would have rather had working the DT window than him.

What can I say, I could not help teasing him!

What can I say, I could not help teasing him!


He loved to tease me about how old I was (I was the oldest partner at our store) and I would always tell him he would never be as fast as I was on bar no matter how hard he tried.  When I left the Big Green Machine I told him that now he could sit on my throne and keep it warm until I decided to return. He hated to be called Chief which of course I ALWAYS ended my ending my evening chat with him, to which he would always responded with Night Boss.

My BFFs doing what they love.

My BFFs doing what they love.

So I now have a Scary sized hole in my life.  I have to stop myself from firing off a text to him dozens upon dozens of times a day. I have to pull myself up short to and remind myself that there is no longer a need to share that article on the newest Springfield pistol…or that funny photo with the insane commentary attached. That he will not be checking his wall to see what hi-jinx I have been up to today. I miss his laugh more every day, I miss teasing him about his bushy beard that needed to be shaved.  I miss him calling me as I head into town asking me to stop and grab him a NOS because he was up way to late studying and he forgot to grab one.  I will greatly miss seeing him interact with The Evil Twin as they set up their AR10 and AR15 all giddy to be on the range the three of us yet again.

This was our final meal together...I will miss seeing him with his feet under my table eating my food with relish.

This was our final meal together…I will miss seeing him with his feet under my table eating my food with relish.


So hug those you love one more time tonight you never know if  life will give you another chance.



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4 Comments on “Forced to say goodbye…”

  1. Allison Justice Says:

    oh Jan, Just got on here to see if you had posted any new delicious recipes and saw this post. I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping that you can find some comfort over the holiday. I miss your face! I can hardly stand to go in the store and not have you there with my drink already waiting for me! I guess the bright side is that I’ve saved quite a bit of money. haha 🙂 Happy Holidays, Friend!!



    • Wikijancooks Says:

      Hiya Allison, I miss your face as well! I hope you are having a great Christmas Break. I know what you mean about the store now I keep getting texts and emails from friends and Regulars. We need to get together while you are on break.



  2. Keith Walters Says:

    From all of us with a Scary sized hole in our hearts thank you Jan. I will say that I totally forgot about the whole Chief thing although I tried to call him Buddy at least once a week. I too miss his laugh more and more each day and have to fight the urge to text him every time I buy or see cool survival or camping gear. FB is now a lonely place on Friday nights without him on the web. On a cheery note I can’t wait to have everyone over at the house again sometime soon in early January.



    • Wikijancooks Says:

      Thanks Boss this was a hard entry to write. Yes FB is a very lonely place now, I loathe seeing his name on the chat list knowing he is not there that it is just his phone logged into FB.



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